Self-Harm
Also on HeadRKT
Self-harm happens when someone hurts or harms themselves. They may:
- take too many tablets;
- cut themselves;
- burn their body;
- bang their head;
- throw their body against something hard;
- punch themselves;
- stick things in their body;
- swallow inappropriate objects.
It can feel to other people that these things are done coolly and deliberately - almost cynically. But someone who self-harms will usually do it in a state of high emotion, distress and unbearable inner turmoil. Some people plan it in advance, others do it suddenly. Some people self-harm only once or twice, but others do it regularly - it can become almost like an addiction.
Some of us harm ourselves in less obvious - but still serious - ways. We may behave in ways that suggest we don't care whether we live or die we may take drugs recklessly, have unsafe sex, or binge drink. Some people simply starve themselves.
Who self-harms?
Research probably under estimates how common self-harm is, and surveys find higher rates in communities and schools than in hospitals. Some types of self-harm, like cutting, may be more secret and so less likely to be noticed by other people. In a recent study of over 4,000 self-harming adults in hospital, 80% had overdosed and around 15% had cut themselves. In the community, these statistics would probably be reversed. We could go ahead and fire out a gaggle of labels as to 'who is more likely to self harm', but this implies that people are packagable, which they're not.
What makes people self-harm?
Emotional distress - people often struggle with difficulties for some time before they self-harm:
- physical or sexual abuse;
- feeling depressed;
- feeling bad about yourself;
- relationship problems with partners, friends, and family.
If you feel:
- that people don't listen to you;
- hopeless;
- isolated, alone;
- out of control;
- Using alcohol or drugs - it may feel that these are as out of control as the rest of your life.
How does it make you feel?
Self-harm can help you to feel in control, and reduce uncomfortable feelings of tension and distress. If you feel guilty, it can be a way of punishing yourself and relieving your guilt. Either way, it can become a 'quick fix' for feeling bad.
Are people who self-harm mentally ill?
Most people who self-harm are not mentally ill. However, some may be depressed, or have severe personality difficulties, or be addicted to alcohol and drugs. The risk of suicide increases after self-harm. Everyone who self-harms should be taken seriously and offered help.
Getting help
A lot of people who self-harm don't ask for help. Many people who self-harm know that they have serious problems, but don't feel that they can tell anyone so they don't talk to friends, family, or professionals. This situation is exacerbated where people are away from home in a strange environment. Other people don't feel that they have serious problems - they use self-harm as a way of coping, but their situation stays the same.
Danger signs
Those who are most likely to harm themselves badly:
- use a dangerous or violent method
- self-harm regularly
- are socially isolated
They should be assessed by someone with experience of self-harm and mental health problems. If you fit into this category or if you know someone who does, it is worth while finding out what services are on your campus. You could also contact either your family GP, or a local GP in the town or city where you're studying. Alternatively, you can contact headRKT@grabaGAFF.com, and we can help you source information relevant to your area.
How can I help myself?
When you want to harm yourself
The feelings of self-harm go away after a while. If you can cope with your upset without self-harming for a time, it will get easier over the next few hours. You can:
- Talk to someone - if you are on your own perhaps phone a friend
- If the person you are with is making you feel worse, go out, or if it's your house, tell them to get out
- Distract yourself by going out, singing or listening to music, or by doing anything (harmless) that interests you (were you ever interested in the college course that you signed up for? If so, how about tackling some of those pesky assignments!)
- Relax and focus your mind on something pleasant your very own personal comforting place
- Give yourself some 'harmless pain' - eat a hot chilli, or have a cold shower
- Focus your mind on positives
- Be kind to yourself - take some time out
- Write a diary or a letter, to explain what is happening to you - no one else needs to see it.
What if you don't want to stop self-harming?
If you decide that you don't want to stop self-harming, you can still:
- reduce the damage to your body (for example, use clean blades);
- keep thinking about possible answers to the things that make you harm yourself;
- every so often, re-visit your decision not to stop.
Self-harm can be very damaging physically and psychologically - in the end, you'll be better off stopping.
There are a number of questions to ask yourself to see if you are ready to stop. If you can honestly say YES to half of the questions below, or more, then why not try stopping?
- Are there at least two people who are willing to help me stop?
- Do I have friends that know about my self-harm, who I can go to if I get desperate?
- Have I found at least two alternative safe ways that reduce the feelings that lead me to self-harm?
- Am I able to tell myself, and to believe it, that I want to stop hurting myself?
- Can I tell myself that I WILL tolerate feelings of frustration, desperation, and fear?
- If necessary, is there a professional who will also give me support and help in a crisis?
What can I do if I know someone who self-harms?
It can be very upsetting to be close to someone who self-harms, but there are things you can do. The most important is to listen to them without judging them or being critical. Although this can be very hard, if you are upset and perhaps angry about what they are doing, it's important to remember that this isn't about you. Try to concentrate on them rather than your own feelings.
Do
- Talk to them when they feel like self-harming. Try to understand their feelings, and then move the conversation to other things
- Take some of the mystery out of self-harm by helping them find out about self-harm perhaps on the internet or at the college library. Don't worry about people noticing what you're reading, most of the time, people don't even know what section their own course books are in, and they'll be far too absorbed to care about what you're looking at
- Find out about getting help - maybe go with them to see someone in the college counselling service, or ask them to log on here.
- Help them to think about their self-harm not as a shameful secret, but as a problem to be sorted out.
Don't
- Don't try to be their therapist. Therapy is complicated and you have enough to deal with as their friend, partner or relative.
- Don't expect them to stop overnight, it's difficult and takes time and effort.
- Don't react strongly, with anger, hurt, or upset. This is likely to make them feel worse. You can talk honestly about the effect it has on you, but do this calmly, in a way that shows how much you care for them.
- Don't struggle with them when they are about to self-harm. You could get hurt or cause them to seriously harm themselves.
- Don't make them promise not to do it again or make your involvement with them the basis for an agreement for stopping.
- Don't make yourself responsible for their self-harm or become the person who is supposed to stop them. If you want to lend support that's fine, but you are not responsible for their self harming. You must get on with your own life as well. Make sure you talk to someone close to you, so you get some support.
Internet help
- www.selfharm.org.uk
Resource for young people who self-harm. - www.recoveryourlife.com
A self harm self-help and support site. - www.aware.ie
Aware: helping to defeat depression. - www.mentalhealthireland.ie
Mental Health Ireland promotes positive mental health and supports persons with a mental illness, their families and carers.
Telephone Help
- Samaritans - telephone and support for anyone who is worried or upset 1850 60 90 90.
Self-Help Books
- The Scarred Soul: Understanding and Ending Self-inflicted Violence by Tracy Alderman: New Harbinger Publications.
- Healing the Hurt Within: understand self-injury and self-harm, and heal the emotional wounds by Jan Sutton: How To Books Ltd.